you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
