I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
