If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
