There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
