just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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