I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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