Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
