Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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