Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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