We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
