Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
