So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I did not marry a roomba.
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