why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
