I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I touched a dick in church today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
