Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Fuck appropriateness.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
