is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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