ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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