Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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