Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
