Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
