I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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