Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
