Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
