I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
