thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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