What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
