Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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