is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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