did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
