I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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