why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
