I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
