You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
