my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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