she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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