I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
