Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
