Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
