Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
