I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
