I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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