You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
