haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
