So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
