she looked like the before picture.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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