Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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