i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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