her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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