She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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