stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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