you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
